FREEDOM!

I was sitting down at Citybites yesterday, eating some luch with a great friend of mine. We were discussing topics of actual importance, you can do that with real friends. As I was picking at my salad, thinking 'man, I really wish I was eating a brownie' the conversation took a turn.

We began to converse about the past and changes that have taken place in our lives since we had met each other in 2004. She began to tell me about myself, which I hadn't really expected. Normally, people refer to themselves when it comes to changes in their personal life.

She was telling me that when she first met me I was very reserved and I didn't talk much. As I thought back to 2004, it wasn't difficult for me to remember myself. The girl that I used to be, I didn't even like. I was so bound by insecurity and doubt about myself and my self-worth that I thought no one would even care to hear what I had to say. If they did care it would just be to correct me and tell me my opinions were wrong. I had been so hurt by people that I had almost forgotten how to be vulnerable and allow others to really see me for who I was. I allowed satan to use those hurts in my life to take me captive to myself.

I was a prisoner of self. Thinking back on it now, I realize how selfish I was. I wasn't about others, not really, I put on a pretty good show. But I was really thinking, 'if I do this... they will think this way about me. But if I do that... they will think that way about me'. Every act was led by what other people thought of me and how I could benefit from it.

This has been a sad story thus far, but I am telling you now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Jesus is the light. The only way I was freed from my bondage was through Him. The day that God freed me, I was reading in the book of Esther. I was taken with the story, since I've grown up in church, I have heard the story a hundred times, but for some reason this particular day it was real to me like it had never been before.

When the virgins were taken before the king to be presented to him they were allowed to take anything they wanted for beautification. Jewelry, was the most common choice among the women, not the stuff from Claire's, but the real stuff from Tiffany's. But not Esther, she didn't need it. She was already beautiful, she didn't need to adorn herself with anything special to show her beauty. The Bible says in Esther 3:15, Esther found favor in the eyes of all who saw her. I knew at that moment that I wanted to be an Esther. A woman so fiercly beautiful that eveyone found favor with her.

The cool thing about the story is that out of all the women, she was chosen. Not simply because she had a pretty face, but because her heart was hidden in the Lord. She eventually went on to save her entire race, the Jews.

God allowed me to see that day that every woman is supposed to be an Esther. Beautiful and in love with her creator. I can't say that the change in my life has been an easy one. I would be full of lies if I did. I had to take captive the lies that I believed about myself. But it didn't end there. It is an ongoing process, I still have to take thoughts captive daily and will as long as I'm alive. But it does get easier, once you start making an effort to pay attention to the thoughts going through your head, you begin to notice which ones are yours and which ones are ploys to get you off track and believing another lie.

Since this freedom has come about in my life, I have become a new woman... a better one. I do things for people because it is the right thing to do and I now realize that I am worthy and capable of being loved. As a result of that, I can actually have a conversation with people without worrying about being "right". People care about me and what I have to say because I do the same for them. I guess you do really reap what you sow.

What are some lies that you have believed about yourself and how do you deal with them?